365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
364. What’s a favorite story you have about yourself?
One of my favorite stories about myself would be the time when I was a toddler and apparently already had some pent up anger issues.
I would say I was somewhere between 1-2 years of age and was apparently playing with my brother and cousin. My mom thought it was time for me to take a nap and put me in my crib. I clearly was not happy to not be able to play anymore and so I threw a fit. I screamed and cried for a long time. According to my mom, I finally got quite. She thought I had finally worn myself out from all the crying and went to sleep.
Clearly that was not the case because instead of sleeping I was actually in my crib taking my anger out on my poor doll. I had one of those dolls from the 70’s with the hard plastic face and the soft stuffed body. Apparently I was so angry I stomped on the face of the doll so hard that I cracked the face. I then proceeded to pull off the plastic face and pulled out ALL of the stuffing from the doll.
A while later when my mom came to check on me she found me FINALLY asleep but she also found my doll stuffing thrown about the room.
This became one of those amusing family stories that was repeated for years. Fortunately I outgrew those anger issues and now just hold all my anger inside. ☺
365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
7. What thoughts come to you as you’re procrastinating?
Procrastinate? Me? Never! Well, okay, maybe that’s not entirely true.
I would say the times I have the biggest procrastinating issues are at work. There are often tasks that I either don’t want to do or worse, that I don’t really understand how to do. When I don’t understand something, I’m not one of those people that thrives off of doing the investigation to figure it out. Instead, I tend to just put off doing it for as long as possible. 90% of the time it ends up being way less difficult then I built it up in my head to be, but non-the-less, I will still procrastinate until I absolutely have no other options but to work on it.
Besides work, there are times in my everyday life when I procrastinate simply because I’m tired and just don’t feel I have the energy to accomplish anything. I think I’m harder on myself with this type of procrastination because there is always so much to be done that I should always be trying to check things off my “to do” list.
I’m one that always has grand intentions. I am constantly making lists of things I need to do or want to do. I have lists in my purse, lists laying around the house, lists at work. I have lists of errands that need to be run, lists of projects I want/need to work on, grocery lists, food plan lists, budget lists, travel plan lists… you name it, I have a list for it. Which in all honesty can be a little overwhelming sometimes (I know that sounds silly since I am the one doing this to myself by creating all of these lists). I will say that I am usually pretty good at working on things that need to be done, but there are those time when I just don’t want to adult. There are those days when I just want to sit and veg out in front of the TV. These are the times that the guilt of procrastination bug me the most. When I’m sitting trying to slow my mind and relax, all I can do is think of everything on all of those lists that I should be working on. So procrastination merely builds stress about what I am not doing that I should be doing. Hence the reason I don’t often procrastinate and the reason why I am always jumping up and doing one thing or another at all times. It drives my husband crazy that I can never just sit and make it through a TV show or a movie because I am getting up every 15 minutes doing something. This is a little OCD, but that’s pretty much my personality. My brain never really stops thinking of everything around me, so even when we are sitting trying to relax, my brain is going over everything that needs to be done. Instead of procrastinating, I feel better if I just jump up and do it. This even happens to me early in the mornings on the weekends. I wake up at 3:30am on work days, so my body is just accustomed to being up before the sun. So even on the weekends, I end up waking up very early. I try so hard to just lay there and make myself go back to sleep. After about 30 minutes of laying there, I just get to anxious and need to get up and start doing things.
The best reason for not procrastinating? It’s the thrill of crossing things off the “to do” list. The thrill is real!
365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
219. If you could write a book, what would it be about?
I have always thought it would be great to write a book about my life. I’m sure it would not top the list of best sellers, but I think I’ve had some experiences in my lifetime that might warrant putting down on paper. If for no other reason then to document all the things I have been through and all the experience I have had. I think most people probably wish they could tell the story of their life. Most, like myself, also probably think their story is worthy of telling.
There are many aspects of my life that most people, even those closest to me do not know. I think that maybe if people were to read about my life and the things that I have experienced, maybe they would understand me a little better. Things that I don’t necessarily feel comfortable sharing verbally could be shared in the written form. I find that my thoughts and feelings are not just easier to share in writing, but I am also able to express better what I am trying to relay. When I try and verbally express myself, I tend to get off track and forget important aspects about what I wanted to share. When I write, the words tend to flow much smoother and express more clearly what my heart is trying to say.
My life experiences started rather early. While others were playing with their dolls, I was only 3 when the sexual abuse started. It lasted for at least 4-5 years. The last my memory recalls I was 8 when it ended. I had a rough and yet a great childhood. I never told anyone what was happening until I was much older. Even then I only told a small handful of people. I never shared this information with my parents as the abuser was a family member. Still to this day they do not know. I have no intentions of ever sharing with them what happened. I was never one to play the victim, however, I do think that holding this information inside for so many years has been a trigger to my anxiety and OCD issues. In therapy I learned that my need to have control with everything around me most likely stems from my lack of control as a young child.
This experience was the opener for so many crazy life directions. I had many relationships throughout my teenage and young adult life. I believe I was desperately searching to understand the link between sex and love.
I married very young at age 17. I wanted nothing more than to be a wife and start an “adult” life with my new husband. Within just a few years, he cheated on me. I walked in and found them together. Even with my past childhood experiences, I would say that this was still the most devastating thing that I had gone through up to that date. I completely shut down both physically and mentally.
My life got more “Jerry Springer” shortly after when my now x-husband was arrested and went to prison. He eventually got out and my parents let him move into their house. He ended up sleeping with my brothers girlfriend who was also living at my parents while my brother was away in the Navy. Did I mention my x-husband was also my brothers (former) best friend?
As that relationship fizzled, I ended up meeting and falling in love with a man I would never be able to be with. The love was real and I remained heartbroken over that situation for most of my adult life. Even after marrying my 2nd husband.
My 2nd husband was actually my high school sweetheart who I just happen to hook up with many years later. Again, I was desperately trying to find love, so we married. Sadly, on the day of the wedding I knew I didn’t want to marry him, but went through with it anyway.
So many life experiences between the end of my 2nd marriage and my current life. I finally meet the one that I was destined to be with, but it took lots of searching, lots of heartache and lots of testing my inner strength.
This is just such a small amount of what my life has thrown at me so far. I can imagine I could probably fill a whole book with all the other details of this ever challenging life. Maybe someday when I retire and have time, I’ll sit down and write my memoirs. That could be just the therapy I need.
365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
#434. What is your mother’s best trait? Worst? What traits do you share with her?
What a fun prompt for day 2! Ah, my mom. Such a great lady. I was very fortunate to grow up with two wonderful parents. Although of course I went through my rough patch from about age 12-15… overall, we have always had a very good relationship.
What is my mom’s best trait? From my viewpoint, I would have to say that her best trait is her consistent dedication to her children and to my dad. She is always there for us in everyway. I cannot think of one instance when I needed her and she was not right there to help in anyway possible. In my younger years, we were lucky enough to have her as a stay-at-home mom. She would lug us around to dance classes, school events and any other activity we happen to be into at the time. She was that mom that would be volunteering at all the booster club events and working the snack bar at the little league field while my brother and I would be out on the field and my Dad would often be couching. She started working outside the home when we were in middle school, but I must say, not a whole lot changed in terms of her commitment to our family. Although life was not perfect by an means, we were “that” family. You know, the ones were the mom and dad are up in the bleachers with their video recorder, taping the game while my brother was out on the football field and I was a cheerleader on the sidelines. Nothing much has changed now that I am an adult. She would always do everything in her power to help me with whatever I needed. She has taking time off of work to take me to medical procedures, she has taken care of me after surgeries, she lets me vent to her when things are bad and is there to celebrate with me when things are good.
What is her worst trait? Hmmm…that’s a tough one. I don’t know if she has any traits that I would consider bad enough to call “worst”. The only thing I can think of is that she is definitely an extravert. Which is not a bad trait, but often contrasts with my introvert personality. Again, I don’t really consider it a bad trait, but holy cow, that lady can talk to ANYONE. I guess in some ways I’m envious of this trait in her. I don’t necessarily like being an introvert. There are often times I wish I was more outgoing and able to talk to people more openly and confidently.
What traits do I share with her? The one main trait that I know we both have is our struggle with depression. Although we differ in some aspects because I deal with anxiety as well as depression, while my mom fights just the depression character trait. I have learnt a lot by watching her go through episodes while I was growing up. She taught me that it is important to have someone to lean on and that will help pull you out of your darkness when you start to go that direction. She has my dad, who helps her a great deal. For many years, I didn’t understand the importance of having someone like this in my life. I made my share of mistakes by being around people that had no desire to help me through these episodes. Finally I meet that one person that understands and not just knows how to help, but wants to help. So even though anxiety and depression are still a struggle for me, things are easier having someone in my life to help keep me centered.
I have to say that overall, my mom is not just a wonderful mom, but one of my best friends. I am very fortunate to have her in my life.
365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 1 279. Describe all the houses you’ve lived in
Today marks day one of my 365 day blog challenge. As I mentioned in a previous post, in addition to trying to up my game on my normal blog posts regarding travel, debt journey, weight loss journey and minimalism, I will be doing 365 days of blog posts that I am entitling “My Story”. I found a great list of journaling prompts, which I thought would be great to use to get myself writing again. I love writing. It brings me peace and calms my brain, and in this crazy world, that is much needed.
Since the list of journal prompts I found has 457 different prompts, I decided to use a random number generator each day to come up a daily topic to write about. Today the generator landed on 279. The prompt is “Describe all the houses you’ve lived in”.
Let’s start with the house were I spent my childhood. That home was unique because it was my Grandma and Grandpa’s house before my parents bought it from my Grandma when I was 6. This meant that when we moved in, it was already a familiar and comfortable place to me. It is not a large home. Less than 1500 sq ft. for sure. We all had our own bedroom, but I spent my childhood and teenage years having to share 1 bathroom with the entire family (which was not a big deal, because I didn’t know any better… we always made it work). My parents were extremely generous and giving people and as we grew older, there always seemed to additional people living there. I remember at one point my dad blocked off the small dining room and made a make-shift bedroom because we had my parents, myself, my brother and his girlfriend and my brothers best friend and his girlfriend all living in the home. Yes, all of these people with just one bathroom. Amazing we all survived. My parents still live in this home and I hope they always will. So many memories of backyard parties and family holidays spent at that house. It would be the strangest feeling to not have that one consistent place you know you can always return for a visit.. or to stay if you need to (my parents would never turn anyone away).
The 2nd place I lived was not a house but an apartment with my first husband. I was only 18 years old, so I was feeling pretty grown up being married and living out on my own (side note: I would return to my parents house just a few years later when the marriage failed). The apartment was nice. Nothing overly special. Just a standard 1 bedroom 1 bathroom. I have several specific and rather unpleasant memories of this apartment. The first being that was the place I caught my then-husband cheating on me (ahhh… good times) and second was this was where I was when the 1989 Loma Prieta 6.9 magnitude earthquake hit the San Francisco Bay Area. I was home alone. I will never forget the whole apartment swaying from side to side. I was doing dishes at the time and the earth moved so much that all the water in the sink splashed out all over the floor.
The 3rd place I lived was the one and only time I lived on my own. I was 21 years old and my first marriage hadn’t worked out, so I moved about an hour away from my childhood home to try and escape life for a while. This would be the farthest I ever moved away from the city in which I grew up– even to this day.
I thought my little rental apartment was just the best thing since sliced bread. Just like my first apartment, this apartment was nothing special. Again, just a standard 1 bedroom 1 bathroom, but it was mine and mine alone. It was my first real taste of complete freedom and independence.
The 4th,5th,6th and 7th places I lived were all with my 2nd husband and were all between the ages of 24-30. We moved often and lived in rental houses and a few duplexes. This whole phase of my life was a little of a blur. It was not a happy time and I think I basically lived just to get through. No fond memories at any of the locations we lived.
The 8th house would have to be my favorite of all the places I have lived. My now-husband and I moved in to this wonderful house about 15 years ago (rental). It was located behind an office building on a main street back in the city that I grew up in. We were in walking distance of everything and the house itself was wonderful. Still just 1 bathroom, but it did have 2 bedrooms as well as an office. The living space was huge and open. We had a lot of friend and family parties at that house. We had an ice cream parlor right across the street!! I miss that place.
After living there for many years, my boyfriend (now husband) lost his job unexpectedly and we could no longer afford the rent, so we moved to an apartment. It was sad giving up such a wonderful house and moving to an apartment, but it actually ended up not being all the terrible. The apartment was on the 3rd/top floor (unfortunately, no elevators so walking up all those stairs with groceries would often be an issue). It had a cute little electric fire place and TWO bathrooms. This was my first time having a place with TWO bathrooms. It was incredibly exciting.
Due to unexpected circumstances we ended up leaving the apartments after 3 years and moving to what I call the “hell house”. The house was built on a hill and was very old, so the house had started to lean. Not only was the house leaving, but the middle of the house appeared to be sinking, so the floors in the middle of the house were sinking lower then the rest. I always felt off balance and experienced vertigo issues. To top things off, there was a basement under the house that had a great deal of musty mold that I could smell coming up through the floors into the house. I believe this made me ill, because after just a few months there, I started experiencing significant health issues. We eventually got out of our lease and found the cute little cottage home we live in now.
Thankfully we now rent an adorable little cottage home (less then 750 square feet). It has it’s issue due to its age (the windows are original and provide zero shielding from the cold during the winter- not to mention 1/2 the windows do not even work so they are either stuck closed or stuck open), BUT, it is affordable and conveniently located. Living in the California bay area, it can be difficult to find an affordable place to live that is not a 2 hour commute to work. We are so lucky and thankful because Don only has to travel 2 miles to get to his job and I am only 6 miles away from my job. Although it is small and old, we plan on staying here as long as we can. Small does not really bother me only because I have found that when I have more space, I tend to buy more stuff. The smaller the home, the less the room to store things so I don’t buy as much which is definitely a bonus. Also, it is forcing me to lean more toward the minimalist lifestyle because we have such limited space to keep “stuff”. The downfall? Back to 1 bathroom.
So that was descriptions of all the houses/apartments I have lived in to-date. This was not exactly the most exciting of my first “My Story” posts, but since I promised myself I would do whatever prompt the random generated provided, I just went with it.
I will admit it was sort of fun thinking back to all the places I have lived. So many memories… thankfully mostly good.