My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 47 The Best Gift I Was Ever Given

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 47
207. The best gift you were ever given….

I’ve received many wonderful gifts in my lifetime.  Nothing to elaborate…  for instance I’ve never received the gift of a new car parked in the driveway with a big bow on it.   However, I’ve found that it does not necessarily take something elaborate to be a gift that is the most memorable or meaningful.

One of the gifts that I would consider to be the best gift I was ever given would also have to fall into the category as the worst gift I ever received.  I’m sure that sounds a little confusing, so I’ll explain.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a dollhouse.  I’ve always wanted one of those intricate old Victorian style dollhouses.  This was not just a gift I wanted as a young girl, but one that I wanted as a teenager and even now as an adult.  I’ve always been fascinated with all of the miniature furniture and the idea of being able to decorate all of the individual rooms.  I think it is amazing that you can install working lights and tiled flooring and then decorate the room with so many incredible miniature items from furniture to paintings on the walls.  I could spend hours in a dollhouse store looking at all the different things you can buy to create the miniature version of your dream home.
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On my 16th birthday, I received it!  The dollhouse I always wanted.  It was perfect.  It was however, unassembled.  Not a problem though, as I knew for sure my dad would get it built for me.  So.. there it sat… for weeks, then months.  After more months then I can remember, I finally gave up on my dad having the time to build it and had the bright idea I would try and put it together myself.  Now, anyone that knows anything about these types of dollhouses knows that it is a challenging task.  There are thousands of parts and pieces and it takes a lot of patients to follow the directions and get everything put together correctly.  Now looking back I understand why my poor dad never had time to start building it.  As one may imagine, at age 16- almost 17- I was not exactly patient nor skillful enough to build it.  I actually made it through the whole process of the base.  It was at the point when things started taking a turn for the worse.  I ended up gluing things into places where they were not supposed to be.  Then after trying to fix my mistakes and messing things up even more, the whole project ended up being pushed to the corner of my bedroom and just sat there for about a year… until it ended up in the attack and I’m assuming eventually over the years, probably ended up in the garbage.

So, although this was the favorite gift I ever received, it ended up being the worst because I never got to get to the point where I was able to do all the decorating (the part I really wanted to do).  It’s also sad to me that it ended up basically being trashed when I am sure that my parents spent a good deal of money for it.  These dollhouses are not cheap (even 30 years ago).
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My fabulous husband was kind enough to recently take me to the biggest dollhouse store I had ever been in.  He was also nice enough to let me wander around the store for over an hour.  I picked out the dollhouse I wanted…not that we live in a place that is big enough to house a  hobby that takes up so much space.  It was fun daydreaming though.

 

My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 46 My job

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 46
210. What is your job now?

The job that I currently have is not one that is very exciting to write about.  However, since this is the topic today, I’ll go ahead and write about it anyway.  I currently work for a major oil company.  I work in the Automotive Engine Oils team doing Original Equipment Manufacturing Approvals.  I work with a lot of engineers and chemists who formulate engine oils.  Once the oil is formulated we then run a large amount of testing on the oil to meet the requirements set by the OEMs.  If the oil passes all the tests needed to qualify the oil in a certain specification, then it is my job to complete all of the paperwork and oil samples that are then sent to the OEMs to get an approval letter that shows that the oil meets all standards.  This is what is needed for our sales force to go out and sale the product to customers.   Exciting huh?

I’ve been working at this company for over 13 years now.  I will say that it is pretty interesting to learn what goes into making the oil that we put in our cars and heavy duty diesel trucks.  I am sure most do not give it much thought when they buy oil of what has gone into actually making that oil.  I for one was pretty amazed when I started in this job all of the work and money that is spent on creating just one engine oil product.  The detailed specifics of all the testing is staggering.  It is tested for shearing and foaming and cold crank to name just a few.

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Before changing careers 13 years ago the only other field I had ever work in was Industrial Lighting.  Changing careers was very difficult for me.  I had only known what is was like to work in the lighting industry, so leaving that to go to something completely different was a challenge.  The career change was necessary though, because I had started to experience a great deal of burnout with what I was doing.  I was a project manager for large industrial lighting projects.  It was my job to coordinate the ordering and delivery of all lighting needed for office buildings, schools and other large projects such as MLB stadiums.  It was also my job to handle any post-delivery issues between the general contractors and the factories where the lighting was ordered.  This was often stressful as just one project could require the ordering of hundreds of lighting fixtures from a variety of different lighting manufactures.  This meant I would have to coordinate lead-times to make sure that all the products would arrive onsite in time for installation before the specific inspections or building openings.  I was good at what I did, but I was not happy anymore doing it ,so it was time for a change.
My current job I got by chance.  Although I had to interview for it, it still sort of fell in my lap and I am very fortunate that it did.  I was always so afraid to leave the lighting industry because I didn’t think I would be smart enough to do anything else.  Making the leap from lighting to engine oil made me realize that I was capable of doing much more then I gave myself credit for.  Although change is still scary to me, I am learning that sometimes change is necessary and it often turns out much better then expected.

My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 45 What do I really want from life?

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 45
167. What do you really, deeply want from life?

Life can be a whirlwind.  So many of my days I spend trying to just stay a float amongst all the chaos.  The majority of the time I’m just trying to get through instead of focusing on what it is I deeply want.  So, what is it that I really, deeply want from life?  I want contentment.  Contentment is defines as being in “a state of happiness and satisfaction”.  How wonderful would it be to live in a world where you were truly content?

Don’t get me wrong, I do have my moments.  There are many times when I achieve what I would consider to be a real state of happiness.  A majority of those times I have to credit to my husband.  He has this wonderful way of making me not just a better person, but generally a happier person.  Maybe it’s that he has this magical way of making me laugh.  Regardless of what is happening around me, even if I feel my world is crumbling, he is able to pull me from the dark side and ultimately make me laugh.  That is just one of the things that  made me fall in love with him.

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There are other moments when I feel genuine happiness.  Disneyland of course comes to mind.  It is the one and only place where I feel completely at ease.  Even with all the crowds and the screaming kids, I still feel my calmest and truly happy whenever I am there.

So what’s the problem?  Well, in order to feel contentment, you must be able to be in a state of happiness AND satisfaction.  The satisfaction part is where I struggle.  Satisfaction is defined as the “fulfilment of one’s wishes, expectations, or needs, or the pleasure derived from this”.  I still have a few wishes and expectations about the direction of my life that have yet to be fulfilled.  And if I were being completely honest with myself, I would have to admit that they probably never will be fulfilled.  Yet, I still hold on to them even when there is just a sliver of hope.  So, am I just sabotaging myself from reaching that level of contentment because I hold onto unrealistic expectations of what I THINK life should be providing me?   I have a tendency to focus on the unrealistic and unattainable.  Sometimes I have a difficult time finding the satisfaction in all that is around me because I am to busy wishing for something else.

When forced to exam this question of what it is that I really, deeply want from life, it really makes me stop and reevaluate what it is that I am waiting for.  What is it that has been keeping me from that contentment that I desire so much?  When I stop and think about it, I realize that I, myself am the one big obstacle.  Looks like it’s time for a little deeper self evaluation.

Happy Valentines day everyone.

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My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 44 Tolerance Level

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 44
20. What is your tolerance level towards someone you love or value whose opinions, values and/or personality differ from yours?

This question would probably differ depending on who you ask.  If you ask me, I am extremely tolerant and accepting of everyone and their differing opinions, values and personalities.  For the most part, that is a true statement.  However, should you ask someone like my husband, I’m sure he would beg to differ on my level of tolerance towards differences in opinions and values.  Him and I always have differences of opinions and I have no problem letting him know that his opinions are usually wrong.  🙂
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I am not usually one to rock the boat.  In a social setting or a work environment, I very rarely (if ever) voice my differences of opinion or express a conflict of values during random conversation or situations.  I guess I just don’t feel that there is anything I find important enough to need to be vocal about.  I am not big into confrontation, so even with those that may be speaking about something that I truly disagree with, I tend to just let it go.  Issues like politics and religion are two that top my list of having a high tolerance for.  I let others speak their mind and for the most part, others opinions rarely effect me enough to feel the need to defend my own opinion.  I just smile and let others continue talking.

The one area where my tolerance level is probably low would be when there is clear differences in work values.  I have a very hard time watching others who do not hold themselves at the same to the same work values as I have.  I have an expectation that others will be as reliable, ethical and sensible as I am when it comes to work.  When they are not, my tolerances level falls.  With that being said, even when my tolerance drops, I still usually do not confront or say anything.  I am one that just holds everything inside until that one day when it all explodes and comes oozing out.  Not the best way to handle things, but I clearly don’t know any better because I do not make an effort to change.

Now, when it comes to my husband, all of the above goes out the window.  I have little tolerance and make sure he is fully aware of this whenever needed.  It could just be that I have a comfort level with him that I do not have with most, so I feel free to express to him when I do not agree.  With others, I am never really sure how they will react, so I just don’t say anything.  With him, I am comfortable enough to know his reaction that I feel free to express myself and any differences of opinions I may have.  He does the same with me and I am glad.  I don’t believe it would be a very healthy relationship if we didn’t express ourselves.  As for tolerance, I think that is less simply because when you are with someone for such a high percentage of your time, you clearly are going to have less tolerance then you would with people you either don’t see often or don’t spend much time with.

So, my tolerance levels are hit-or-miss.  It depends on who you are and how comfortable I am with you/  Those are the factors that will determine the full extent of how tolerant I will be with your opinions and values.

My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 43. My Favorite Vacation

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 43
124. What was your favorite vacation or trip ever?

Over the years, I’ve had many wonderful vacations and weekend trips.  Having to narrow it down to one favorite is a difficult task.  Those that know me would automatically assume that my favorite vacation would have to be something Disney related.  Others might assume it must be my trip to Paris.  Surprisingly, I have to say that it is neither of these.

I traveled some prior to meeting my husband over 15 years ago.  The majority of my travels and the most memorable ones have been the ones that I have taken with him.  So don’t tell him, but I would have to say my favorite trip/vacation was the cruise that I went on by myself when I was 21 years old.  The trip itself was fantastic, but part of why I would pick this as my favorite trip is because this was an adventure that I took completely alone.  I have always been that type of person that would never even consider going to a movie alone, let alone taking a major vacation by myself.  I am not sure what came over me and why I was so insistent on taking this trip, but I was and so I did.

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One would think that I would have maybe gone small on my first solo vacation, but I decided if I was going to do it, I was going to go big.  I booked a cruise to the Caribbean.  This would mean having to fly from California to Florida (keeping in mind that this would only be the 2nd time I had ever flown in my life), then check into a hotel and stay the night in Miami before heading out on the ship the next day.

I still remember how overwhelmed and yet excited I was when I boarded the ship.  Here I was, on my own… a very shy and introverted person, taking what most would consider to be a very social vacation completely alone.  Looking back I am still shocked at how much I ventured out of my comfort zone during that trip.  I took excursions at every port that we stopped at and even managed to force myself to go sit at a table with 7 strangers each night for dinner.  It was actually nicer being at a larger table with more people because I was not as expected to put forth to much into conversation.  I was able to sit back and listen to all the others talk.  They were very sweet to me and always would ask me questions to help pull me into their conversations (and out of my shell).  On all of the excursions, as soon as people found out I was alone, someone would always end up taking me under their wing and would include me in their group.

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The ship stopped in Jamaica, Grand Cayman, Cozumel and the private Island that Royal Caribbean has.  I walked up waterfalls and snorkeled with turtles.  Back on the ship I went to all the shows in the evening, gambled in the casino and hung out at the pool.  One of the reasons that this vacation would fall under one of my favorite is that this is the only vacation I have ever taken where I was able to do 100% what I wanted.  If I wanted to sleep in, I would.  If I wanted to eat, I would.  I didn’t have to worry about what ANYONE else wanted to do.  The whole trip was all about what I wanted.

Being that person that is always concerned about everyone else, this was probably the only time I have ever traveled where I didn’t have to feel guilty about doing things that I wanted to do, and that was kind of amazing.

Would I vacation alone again?  Well, technically my month long trip to Paris was also alone (minus a week that my cousin flew over to join me), but since that was a work trip, I don’t really consider it a “vacation”.  So, I would have to answer no, I probably would never travel alone again.  Even though way back when I took this trip I was much shyer and more reserved, I was also not as scared.  As I got older, I became so fearful of.. well, basically everything.  I may be able to hold more of a conversation now then I did back then, but I also wouldn’t be nearly as adventurous.

My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 42

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 42
198. What are your simple pleasures?

Although I can think of probably a hundred different simple pleasures of life, I think I would always have to go back to what I would consider to be my #1 simple pleasure.  That would be massages!!  I don’t get to have them as often as I would like (or need), but when I do, it is amazing.
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I don’t know if my love for massages is because that is one of the few times my high strung mind relaxes or if it is just the wonderful feeling of having my overly tense muscles semi-relax, but whatever it is, I could have a massage every week and it still would not be enough.  The simple pleasure of relaxation is worth every penny spent.

I was fortunate to just recently be able to spend a morning at the spa with my good friend of over 40 years.  We like to give each other the gift of a massage for each others birthdays.  We finally got around to getting together for her much overdue birthday massage.  Only 2 months late….but who’s counting.  It had been about 5 months since my last massage, so this was a good reminder that I need to incorporate this into my life much more often.

The massage itself is not the only simple pleasure.  There is something so soothing and relaxing about the smell of a spa.  I believe it’s lavender, although I’ve never been able to duplicate it at home.  As soon as you open those doors and that smell hits you, it’s almost like all tension just rushes away.  Then you are guided back to your treatment room and get to crawl underneath the covers onto a nice heated massage table (extra special during the winter months when it is so cold outside).  Then add in the soothing music and soft candle light.  It’s is hypnotizing.
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Between my standard tension due to my high anxiety and then to add on my TMJ issues, I am almost always in pain around my neck, shoulders and jaw area.  During a massage, for that one brief hour, I am able to get some relief from not just the pain, but also the anxiety.  Anyone that deals with anxiety issues can understand how even just an hour of relief can be peer heaven.  It truly is a simple pleasure of life.

**This is me after my massage last weekend.  I look a mess, but that’s the best part of a massage…. you really don’t care what you look like after.
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My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 41

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 41
117. Did you go to college or have vocational training?  Where and When?

I’ve spoken about this in some of my previous topics, but yes, I just recently received my college degree.  Since I didn’t have any specific passions, I went ahead and focused my studies on Business Management.  I figured Business Management would be a good “umbrella” degree.  Being able to apply for jobs with a degree in Business covers so many different areas, so I felt this would be a good choice.  Most of the people I work with are either Engineers or Chemists.  Although this is not a direction I particularly wanted to take, I do regret not taking a chemistry class or two.  It would make things a lot easier at work if I had just the basic chemistry 101 knowledge so I could understand what people were talking about.  I had one sweet guy at work recently try and explain some basic chemistry terminology to me.  He spent a good 15-20 minutes drawing little diagrams and giving me a high-level overview of a specific topic that was being discussed.  It all made sense to me at that moment, but to be honest, just a few days later and I cannot remember a thing he said.  Cleary this is not a subject that I can retain easily.

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My college degree took me 6 years to obtain.  I didn’t actually get my degree until I was in my mid-forties.  I attended several years at a junior college.  Since my job was paying for 75% of my tuition and books, I continued to work full-time while I went to school.  I took classes in the evening.  Homework was done either really late at night or on the weekends.  Even though the hours were a little tough (I would go into work at 5:00am so that I could get off in time to drive to my classes and then not get home from classes until 10:00 in the evening), I have to say that this was actually the most enjoyable part of my college journey.  This was where I took all my general education classes so that I could have the credits needed to transfer into another institution to finish my degree related classes (which was going to save me a huge amount of money, since the JC was a significant amount cheaper). It was at the junior college that I was able to take some of favorite classes.  I took the most wonderful photography class.  It was a class with real old-fashioned cameras and film.  We got to do film developing and learn how to manually operate a camera.  All the things that we don’t have to worry about now with digital and auto-everything.  If I wouldn’t have been in such a hurry to finish up the classes I needed to transfer, I would have taken several more photography classes.

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I eventually transferred to an online institution so that I could complete more classes in a shorter time frame.  Without the driving to-and-from, I was able to get off work and get home and complete twice as much school work as I was doing when I was physically going to class.  I’ve heard mixed feelings about online studying.  Some people really dislike it.  I personally thought it was great.  As I’ve mentioned, I’m not extremely social, so not having to be in class with 30 other people was a bonus.  I didn’t mind so much having to work with other classmates online, but I was not a fan when it was face-to-face.

Six long years later I eventually completed all the classes needed and was able to graduate with a degree in Business Management with a concentration in Project Management.  It was a tough six years and I had to miss out on a LOT of family and friend time during those years, but in the long run I do feel it was worth it.  It was something I really wanted to accomplish, even if just for myself, so I am proud that I didn’t give up, even during those most challenging times.

My degree enabled me to get a promotion at work and I am in a job now that I enjoy and am doing well at.  It also gives me the ability to apply for other positions within the company that I would not have been able to before due to my lack of a degree.  Do I wish I would have went to college straight out of high school like most people?  This may sound surprising, but I would have to answer no to that.  I really don’t think I would have done as well or appreciated the whole learning process had I gone at a younger age.

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My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 40

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 40
8. What do you do instead of the project you’re avoiding?

This is a little embarrassing to admit, but I do have one standard thing that I default to when I’m trying to avoid working on a project or task.  Most of my procrastinating tends to happen at work.  When I am home, I feel like when there is something that needs to be done, I just do it (which is why I never really sit still for very long).  Work however is a different story.

Whenever I am faced with a task at work that I find challenging, I tend to try and avoid it for as long as possible.  Instead of just facing it head on and getting it completed, I dwell on it and will do other things to try and steer clear of it until the bitter end.  One of my main “go-to” distractions that I use to avoid projects at work would be YouTube videos (I’m so ashamed).  I am always rather late at getting into the popular things, so I only began watching YouTube videos about a year ago. It was when I was getting ready for my trip to Paris.  I watched every single video I could find related to traveling in Paris and  videos that provided tips and tricks on being a Paris tourist.  I had never really done much on YouTube prior to that.  When I returned from my trip, I no longer needed to watch traveling videos, so I didn’t actually return to the YouTube world until months later when we started looking into eating KETO.  It was at that time I became officially addicted to YouTube.  I found so many YouTube channels on KETO.  Things like a day of eating KETO, KETO food grocery hauls and KETO tips for beginners.  It wasn’t to much longer after that when I got heavily invested in managing my money better and paying off bills.  So I became obsessed with finding YouTube channels about peoples debt free journeys.  This lead into frugal living to help save money, which then lead into minimalism videos. It was about this same time that I became very interested in the “Project Life” scrapbooking idea, so I started searching for videos on that as well.   It was like an obsessive never-ending search for more and more information on so many different topics!  I started subscribing to so many channels that there is just no way to keep up with all the new contented that gets posted daily/weekly/monthly.  So, I guess it’s no secret then that when I am feeling the need to be distracted at work and I want to avoid doing something other then what I should be doing, I turn to YouTube.  Although I could watch videos for hours on end, I am at work, so I do refrain from going over board.  Most of the time.  😉

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What are some things that you do to put off that task you are dreading?  Or am I the only procrastinator out here?  🙂

My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 39

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 39
419. Do you wish you had more sisters or brothers, and why?

I am pretty happy with just having one brother.  There were times throughout my life that I would briefly wish that I had a sister, but for the most part, having it just be my brother and I made it nice growing up.

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My brother and I were born only 14 months apart, so when we were young, it was nice having someone so close to my own age to play with.  I was the youngest, so I would follow him around and try and do everything he did.  As we grew older, it was nice having an older brother because he had  friends that would come hang out at the house.  Being I was rather boy crazy as a young girl, that was always nice.  Having just one sibling also meant that things were always an even number at our house.  Four of us meant that when we were at amusement parks, no one had to ride on rides alone!    According to my parents, this was an important factor to consider when deciding how many children to have.  Gotta love their rationalization.  Just one of the many reasons I love them so much.  🙂  Being serious though, it was nice in the fact that having just the two of us meant that there was never anyone being left out.  We all know how kids can be.  Sometimes just downright mean.  It always seems like when you have more then just two in a group, there will always be one person that ends up being picked on while the others join together.  This wasn’t an option for me and my brother, since it was just the two of us.

I never wished seriously for more siblings.  Like I said, every once in a while when I would hear people talking about their sisters (especially if they were close), I would wish I had a sister.  My brother was great, but it’s not like we could hang out and talk about boys or do each others hair.  Even so, it was never something I thought about earnestly.  Just a fleeting thought here and there.  We had all sorts of cousins that we spent a good deal of time with when we were growing up, so it was not as if we were lacking being around others our age.  One of my cousins is only 6 months older than me and her and I were always (and still are) very close.  We spent a lot of time together as kids, went through school together (sometimes having the same classes), we were in each others weddings and I am the godmother to her first born son.  I would say that she is probably as close to a sister as I could get, so I never really had to feel like I was missing out on a lot.

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Overall, I think the family I have is perfect.  I wouldn’t change a thing.

My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 38

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 38
288. What strengths have you developed over your life?

I cannot say that I have actually developed any “new” strengths over the course of my life, but I have definitely improved upon the strengths that have always been inside me.  Some strengths have grown more rapidly, while others have taking a long time to bloom. Then there are those strengths that I just know I have in me, but still lay dormant deep down, just waiting for their time to shine.

Some of the strengths that I have improved upon over the years are communication and determination.

Communication has not always been a strength for me and is one that I am still developing on a daily basis.  It is hard to imagine with my current lack of communication skills, that they have actually developed and improved over the years, but it’s true.  As a young child, it was more than just difficult to communicate with others, it was down right torture.  I was so terribly shy that often times I said little to nothing when around other people outside of my immediate family.  In school, I had my select group of friends, but was never one that would make an effort to talk to anyone new.  I was that one person that would turn bright red in the face if I had to try and communicate something to someone who I did not feel 100% comfortable around.  Quiet was always my safety net.  When I started in the workforce, I began to develop my ability to speak, but it took a long time.  I sometimes look back and wonder what people thought of me because I would pretty much only speak to those that spoke to me first.  Not because I was being rude or snobbish, but because I was afraid.  Now that I am older, my communication skills have improved tremendously.  Are they the best they can be?  Absolutely not.  I still get sick to my stomach when I have to present something and I am terribly at making idle conversation, but at least now I will try.  That is not something I would have done 30 or even 20 years ago.  I’ve also found that I am much more open to providing my opinions and feedback when asked.  Before I would just say I had nothing to contribute, even though in my head I was raging with ideas or comments.  Now I actually speak what I am thinking.  I no longer feel the urge to run and hide in the bathroom if I think someone might ask me a question.  This is a huge accomplishment for me.
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Another area in which I have seen a great deal of growth is my determination.  This is a strength that has also taken its sweet time to blossom.  I was never one that had a tremendous amount of determination.  I was pretty much okay with being the “average Jo”.  I never had that fight in me to want to be better than anyone nor did I have the desire to accomplish anything great.  I was just fine being average.  I took all the basic classes in school.  I was never an over achiever.  I took the first job that was offered to me straight out of high school and stayed there for over 10 years.  Although I guess I had some slight determination in the fact that I worked my way up a little in the company, I honestly thought I would be working there the rest of my life doing what I was doing.  I was not determined to go out and find something better or try and advance myself.  Eventually that started to change and I’ve seen that the last 15 years or so there has been a slight switch in my mindset.  I become much more determined when I decided to go back to school at a rather late age and get my college degree.  So many times I wanted to give up but for once I had the determination to stick through it.  I have been way more determined in my current job to progress and not just settle for the easiness of staying in a stagnant position.  I’ve found that as I grew older, I was more determined to succeed at things instead of sitting back watching everyone else succeed around me.  I’ve even noticed a drastic change in my determination to lose weight.  I’m actually staying committed and taking steps to make it happen, verse my old self that would complain about it, but do nothing.

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There have been other areas in which I have noticed my strengths have grown.  Areas like my organization and planning skills, my enthusiasm towards life and my ability to handle my failures and learn fro my mistakes.

Some areas in which I have not seen a lot of growth are areas like flexibility.  Flexibility to me equals anxiety.  I am not a “wing it” kind of girl and if my mind is set one way, and anything is altered from that, I do not do well at all.  This is an area that could really use some developing.  But I guess we are all just a continuous work in progress.