My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 89 Rejected

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 89
290. Describe a time when you felt rejected

Rejection is one of the toughest things I have had to learn to deal with in my life.  I think everyone at one point or another has that feeling of being rejected.  It happens a lot when we are children and gets even worse in our teenage years.  Things like trying out for teams or groups and not being “accepted”, or sometimes rejection can even come from our own friends.  Maybe it’s more common with teenage girls, I don’t know, but oh my goodness… girls can be just down right mean.  I have specific memories of when a group of friends would get mad at just one person.  Then they would all bond together and make sure that they would leave that one person out of everything.  I was the one on the receiving end of that on several occasions and I can tell you, it surely does not feel good to be rejected by your friends.

Rejection overall is a difficult thing to learn to deal with.  I did have one specific rejection that has stuck with me for many years and still brings twinges of pain and embarrassment whenever I think about it.  Rejection can cause so many different emotions.  It can make you sad, cause you to feel depressed, hurt your feelings and also cause you embarrassment.  Embarrassment is almost one of the worst parts.  It can be embarrassing (maybe humiliating is a better word) to put yourself out there to someone and have them reject you.  That is what happened to me.  I was very much in love with someone who I was pretty much willing to change my whole life for.  I opened my heart and gave my soul to this person.  Sadly, they didn’t want me.  At least not in the same way that I wanted them.  Just because someone turns you down nicely does not mean that you are not being rejected.  I felt rejected, humiliated and devastated to my very core.  It’s because of this person that I have and will always have a wall up when it comes to my heart.  I love my husband to pieces, but there will always be that part of me that will hide behind that wall and never be able to break though to give my 100% true self.  Sometimes rejection can be life changing.  This surely was for me.  For me, it’s hard enough to show love in general.  Maybe that has to do with the tough situations I had in my childhood or maybe it’s just part of who I am, but I am not one of those people that gives my heart easily and freely.  It takes work for me (even before this rejection).  So when this person rejected me and didn’t want me, it was a firm reminder of why I hold back so much on opening myself completely to any other human being.  I have not yet found that the benefits outweigh the pain and let’s face it, that’s just down right sad.

affection board broken broken hearted
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