My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 45 What do I really want from life?

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 45
167. What do you really, deeply want from life?

Life can be a whirlwind.  So many of my days I spend trying to just stay a float amongst all the chaos.  The majority of the time I’m just trying to get through instead of focusing on what it is I deeply want.  So, what is it that I really, deeply want from life?  I want contentment.  Contentment is defines as being in “a state of happiness and satisfaction”.  How wonderful would it be to live in a world where you were truly content?

Don’t get me wrong, I do have my moments.  There are many times when I achieve what I would consider to be a real state of happiness.  A majority of those times I have to credit to my husband.  He has this wonderful way of making me not just a better person, but generally a happier person.  Maybe it’s that he has this magical way of making me laugh.  Regardless of what is happening around me, even if I feel my world is crumbling, he is able to pull me from the dark side and ultimately make me laugh.  That is just one of the things that  made me fall in love with him.

laugh neon light signage turned on
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There are other moments when I feel genuine happiness.  Disneyland of course comes to mind.  It is the one and only place where I feel completely at ease.  Even with all the crowds and the screaming kids, I still feel my calmest and truly happy whenever I am there.

So what’s the problem?  Well, in order to feel contentment, you must be able to be in a state of happiness AND satisfaction.  The satisfaction part is where I struggle.  Satisfaction is defined as the “fulfilment of one’s wishes, expectations, or needs, or the pleasure derived from this”.  I still have a few wishes and expectations about the direction of my life that have yet to be fulfilled.  And if I were being completely honest with myself, I would have to admit that they probably never will be fulfilled.  Yet, I still hold on to them even when there is just a sliver of hope.  So, am I just sabotaging myself from reaching that level of contentment because I hold onto unrealistic expectations of what I THINK life should be providing me?   I have a tendency to focus on the unrealistic and unattainable.  Sometimes I have a difficult time finding the satisfaction in all that is around me because I am to busy wishing for something else.

When forced to exam this question of what it is that I really, deeply want from life, it really makes me stop and reevaluate what it is that I am waiting for.  What is it that has been keeping me from that contentment that I desire so much?  When I stop and think about it, I realize that I, myself am the one big obstacle.  Looks like it’s time for a little deeper self evaluation.

Happy Valentines day everyone.

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