My Story: 365 day blog challenge Day 37

365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
Day 37
70. Write a letter to someone you need to forgive

Dear Self,

I forgive you.  I forgive you for so many of the things that you have been feeling guilty  about for so many years.  I forgive you for all of those things that you have been holding in your heart that have been weighing  you down.  It’s time to let forgiveness start to heal you.  Only when you can forgive yourself will you be able to put all of these negative feelings behind you.

I forgive you for falling in love when it clearly wasn’t right.  If you were a stronger person, you would have not gotten caught up in the emotions and would have been able to see that you were going down a path that was not safe.  Not safe for your or any of the others involved.  Because you were not stronger, it caused (and still causes) so much pain.  I forgive you for being weak, but it’s time to learn from your experiences and move on.

I forgive you for staying in relationships that have caused more pain then happiness.  To many times in your life you have taken the easy road.  Even if it meant that you had to be unhappy while doing it.  You wasted a good deal of your life settling for mediocre because it was going to be to hard and to much work to try and make a change.  You deserve so much more then mediocre.  You are a good and kind person and settling for letting others treat you as if you are insignificant is not acceptable.  You tend to bend over backwards for others, and while you are doing that, they are walking all of you.   It’s time that others should value your importance and show it.  If they can’t, then you do not need them in your life.

I forgive you for not following through on the things that were important to you.  There were so many things you wanted in life, yet you didn’t have the strength or the courage to follow them through.  You gave up to easy and now you are finding that it’s to late to go back and fix any of that.  Luckily for you, life has turned out pretty well, so it is time to let go of the sadness for what you haven’t done and focus on the things that you can still do.  There are still so many things that you want to accomplish and now that you have learned your lesson about not giving up, I hope that you are able to see all of these things through.

I forgive you for being a difficult teenager and putting your parents through so much. They really are good people and there was a time when you caused them a lot of pain.  The pain in their eyes when you would tell them that you hated them and wished you could go live in a foster home is still burned in your heart.  It’s time to forgive yourself for those past mistakes.  You have done so much for them as you have all grown older.  You can never go back and take back things you have done or said.  The only thing you can do now is try and show that you never meant to cause the pain that you did.

I forgive you for never speaking up about being sexual abused.  Although at this point in life, it seems pointless to tell those that don’t already know what happened to you when you were a child, you still hold a lot of confusion and uncertainty in the fact that you never shared what was happening.  Could things have been different?  Would it have changed anything in anyway had you spoke up?  It’s time to let go of those feelings and accept that how you handled it was the best way you knew how at the time.

I forgive you for not learning to say NO when it was important to do so and for not saying YES when it was important to do so just because you were afraid.  How many  times in your life have you done something you didn’t want to do, just because you didn’t have the strength to tell someone no?  Or how many times have you missed out on something because you didn’t have the courage to say yes?  It’s impossible to know the impact on your life from making all of those choices.  How would life be different if you would have said yes on that one occasion?  Would saying no that other time have changed the course of your life’s direction?  You will never know.  And for that reason, it’s time to forgive yourself and not dwell on what could have been.

This letter is sent in hopes that you will soon learn to start forgiving yourself for the mistakes you have made in your life.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Everyone has regrets.  The important thing to remember is that you have a beautiful heart that deserves happiness.  Beating yourself up over things that you cannot change will never give you true peace.

With Love,
Yourself

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