365 Day Blog Post Challenge 2019
55. Who do you miss the most from your past?
There are a few names that instantly come to mind when I think of those that I miss most from my past. Mostly friendships that for one reason or another ended up fading out. I’ve had some close friends that I no longer talk to anymore, and sometimes that makes me sad. Our lives just took different directions and so eventually, we just ended up talking less frequently, until one day, we just stopped talking all together. Then months go by and then years.. and before you know it, you no longer even know that person that you were once so close with. However, old friends would not be the top of my list. The one that I miss most from my past would be my sweet cat DJ.
DJ was such a huge part of my life for a very long time (18 years). I just lost him last year (March 12th to be exact). I know to some it is hard to understand such a close bond to an animal, but DJ was my baby. I grew up having pets my entire life, but I had never experienced the kind of connection with an animal as I did with DJ. This could have a little to do with the fact that I adopted DJ and his sister Chrissy just months after finding out that I was not going to be able to have children. His sister Chrissy, who is still alive and going strong, was never much of an affectionate cat. She was pretty much your stereotypical “leave me alone… and if I want your attention, I’ll let you know” type of animal. DJ on the other hand was the polar opposite. He wanted my attention every second that I was around. He would follow me everywhere (including the bathroom). He would lay on the bathroom rug when I showered so that he could be right there with me when I got out. He slept with me every night. He met me at the door everyday when I got home from work. As a matter of fact, he learned the sound of my car alarm and would not just be waiting for me on the other side of the door, but I could hear him meowing intensely because he knew I was home. If I was sitting, he was on my lap. Whatever room I was in, so was he. He was diagnosed with cancer about 6 years ago. He went through a pretty aggressive surgery, only to find out that they could not remove all of the cancer. It had spread and attached to other parts of his body and we were told that it was unremovable. After the surgery, the Vet gave him 6 months to a year to live. He hung on for 5 years after that surgery.
Not to say he didn’t have health issues. We did some pretty intense things to try and keep him healthy. Including at home IVs which I had to administer myself (I am NOT good with things like this, but for my baby, I was going to fight through my anxiety and do whatever I could to take care of him). Looking back now I believe I probably held on to him a little longer then I should have. But I think he held on a little longer then he should have as well. It was as if we both needed each other so badly that neither of us wanted to let go. He had been my one constant for 18 years. Through all the changes in life (good and bad), he was always there. To lose that was just to much for me to imagine.
We finally had to make the call March 12th of last year. We were lucky enough to find a wonderful person who would come to the house so that we didn’t have the trauma of going to a Vet’s office. His passing was peaceful but also the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. I never thought I would be strong enough to be there when it happened, but there was no way I wanted anyone else holding him during this time except for me.
I still cry on occasion when I think about him. As a matter of fact, I’m crying right now as I write this. Even after almost a year, I still get pains in my heart when I go to open the door after a long day at work, because I know he won’t be standing there waiting for me. There are times in the middle of the night I still think I hear him meowing.
People have told me that I will never know real love because I’ve never had a child (yes, I swear to you that is true… people have actually said that to me). And maybe I will never know the kind of love that is shared between a mother and child. However, that does not mean I have never experienced real love. My love for this four legged, furry little guy is unexplainable to most… but you know what? That’s okay. No one has to understand. All I know is that even though he was “just a cat” as some have said to me, my love for him was deep and strong and will live with me forever.
I hope you are resting in peace my sweet boy.